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August 15, 2010


Teensie-Weensie Reminder (Day 5): Remember that love is attained by…

by Umm Muawiyah

Assalamu Alaikum.

How IS love attained, you ask?

Patience, my child. All in good time.

First, let me tell you what I realised.

I kept seeing certain people who were really liked/loved by others. So, for example, Persons A, B and C would really like Person D.

Just one thing: D didn’t necessarily like A, B or C and even if she did, then it wasn’t the way that they liked her.

So I wondered why it was like that. When I dug further, I realised that A, B and C liked D because D had done a lot for them. However, D didn’t have to like them because they had not done anything for her.

And aren’t we all like that? Don’t we all like those who GIVE us more than those who take from us?

And then it struck me: Love is attained by giving and it is NOT attained by getting.

So the people who are highly beloved to others are generally that way because they gave a lot to those people (it could be their wealth, their time, their support, etc). Therefore, they attained the love of others by giving to those people.

Those who took like those who gave but they were unable to get in that person’s favour because they never gave that person anything. However, they would mistakenly assume that the giver held them in the same esteem that they held her in. So, they did not attain the love of that person because they just got and they did not give anything to that person.

We approach our relationship with Allah in a similar manner, unfortunately (and for Allah is the highest example).

We take and take and take. And then we assume that He loves us because He gave us so much.

But Allah is the Lord of the Worlds and Ar-Razzaaq (The Provider). He provides for everyone even those who disbelieve in Him. It does not mean that He loves them because Allah states very clearly in the Quran that He does not love those who disbelieve in Him.

[Note: Shame on all those people who send/forward those horrid emails proclaiming “God loves you!”. Who are you to talk on behalf of Allah???

This is something we seemed to have gotten from the Christians. They believe that God loves you no matter what you do. So you can be as bad as you want  to be but God will still love you. And we seek refuge in Allah from such misguidance. And yes, it is misguidance because this belief goes against many ayaat (verses) of the Quran.]

So, Allah gives us and we love Him (or at least we claim to). And does He love us?

Well, what did we give to earn His Love?

Now, you might say: “What can we give to the Lord of the Worlds”?

Well, technically, you can’t “give” Him anything. The “giving” in this case is submitting ourselves to His Will and doing what pleases Him. This is what will earn His Love. (Remember yesterday’s post?)

There’s a hadeeth that implies something similar to what I said:

[Note: This hadeeth does have a lot of weakness in its chain of narrators. Some scholars did authenticate it though. If it is authentic, then it is due to supporting narrations.

The reason that I’m mentioning it is because its meaning is not incorrect.]

Sahl ibn Saad said: “A man came to the Prophet (salallahu alaihi wasallam) and said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, direct me to a deed which, if I do it, Allah will love me and the people will love me.’ The Messenger of Allah (salallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Renounce the world and Allah will love you and renounce what the people possess and they will love you.” [Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadeeth No. 4102. Graded ‘saheeh” by Al-Albani in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadeeth No. 4102 but as I stated earlier, there were scholars who weakened this hadeeth.]

How does this hadeeth support what I said?

Well, look at what it states:

1) How do we earn Allah’s Love?

By renouncing this world. What does that mean? It means that our focus is supposed to be on the hereafter i.e. earning the Pleasure of Allah and getting admitted into Paradise.

So, we are submitting to Allah (i.e. “giving”) in order to gain His Love.

2) How do we earn the people’s love?

[This hadeeth shows that there’s nothing wrong with wanting people to like you. After all, humans are social creatures. However, this love should not be attained at the expense of earning the Pleasure of Allah.]

By renouncing what the people possess i.e. by not “getting”; not being a “taker”. So people will relax around you because they know that you are not here to take anything from them.

So, what happens if you are not getting/taking? Well, you’re probably a giver then.

Generally, people fall into two categories: those who give and those who take.

So, what is the point of this not-so-teensie-weensie reminder? [Actually, none of my reminders have been teensie-weensie, have they?]

Let’s try to be GIVERS and not takers.

Let’s give Allah His Rights and not just soak up His many Blessings.

Let’s stop saying “We love Allah” with our tongues and let’s prove it with our limbs.

Let’s give the people their rights and not be so worried about getting our rights.

Let’s stop moaning and groaning about the fact that nobody loves us and let’s go and EARN their love.

Remember: Love is attained by giving and it is not attained by getting.

Let’s make this Ramadan the month of Love – the month where we earn Allah’s Love as well as that of those around us.

3 Comments Post a comment
  1. Faiza Abbasi
    Aug 16 2010

    Brilliant- I love getting these reminders, look forward to them every day.

    • Umm Muawiyah
      Aug 16 2010

      Assalamu Alaikum.

      Jazakillahu kheira.

  2. Syed Fiyaz
    Aug 16 2010

    O Allah! I ask of You Your love, the love of whoever loves You and the love of those deeds which would draw me to attaining Your love.

    O Allah! Grant me Your love, and the love of a person whom my loving him will benefit me draw closer to You. O Allah! Whatever You have granted me from what I love, make it a means of strength for me to use in the way You love. O Allah! Whatever love (of things) You have removed from me then Grant in its place the love (of things) that You love.


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